Bullying
In the United States, bullying among children and teenagers has often been dismissed as a normal part of growing up. Little attention has been paid to the devastating effects of bullying, or to the connection between bullying and other forms of violence. In recent years, however, students and adults around the country have begun to make a commitment to stop bullying in their schools and communities.
- 1 out of 4 kids is bullied.
- Playground statistics - Every 7 minutes a child is bullied. Adult intervention - 4%. Peer intervention - 11%. No intervention - 85%.
- Surveys Show That 77% of students are bullied mentally, verbally, & physically.
- 1 out of 5 kids admits to being a bully, or doing some "Bullying."
- 8% of students miss 1 day of class per month for fear of Bullies.
Children learn from what they see us do, rather than from what we say. When adults do not intervene, bullies may feel there is nothing wrong with their actions. Targets may feel they deserve the bullying. Adults can intervene effectively to reduce bullying. The first step is to identify bullying.
What is Bullying
A lot of young people have a good idea of what bullying is because they see it every day! Bullying happens when someone hurts or scares another person on purpose and the person being bullied has a hard time defending him or herself. Usually, bullying happens over and over.
- Punching, shoving and other acts that hurt people physically
- Spreading bad rumors about people
- Keeping certain people out of a "group"
- Teasing people in a mean way
- Getting certain people to "gang up" on others
Bullying also can happen on-line or electronically. cyber bullying is when children or teens bully each other using the Internet, mobile phones or other cyber technology. This can include:
- Sending mean text, e-mail, or instant messages;
- Posting nasty pictures or messages about others in blogs or on Web sites; using someone else's user name to spread rumors or lies about someone.
If you've ever heard an adult - or anyone else - say that bullying is "just a fact of life" or "no big deal," you're not alone! Too often, people just don't take bullying seriously - or until the sad and sometimes scary stories are revealed.
Effects of Bullying
It happens a lot more than some people think - Studies show that between 15-25% of U.S. students are bullied with some frequency, while 15-20% report they bully others with some frequency (Melton et al, 1988; Nansel et al, 2001).
- It can mess up a kid's future. Young people who bully are more likely than those who don't bully to skip school and drop out of school. They are also more likely to smoke, drink alcohol and get into fights (Nansel et al, 2003; Olweus, 1993).
- It scares some people so much that they skip school. As many as 160,000 students may stay home on any given day because they're afraid of being bullied (Pollack, 1998).
- It can lead to huge problems later in life. Children who bully are more likely to get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school. And 60% of boys who were bullies in middle school had at least one criminal conviction by the age of 24 (Olweus, 1993).
What to do if your child is being bullied
- First, focus on your child. Be supportive and gather information about the bullying. Never tell your child to ignore the bullying. If the child were able to simply ignore it, he or she likely would not have told you about it. Often, trying to ignore bullying allows it to become more serious.
- Don't blame the child who is being bullied. Don't assume that your child did something to provoke the bullying.
- Listen carefully to what your child tells you about the bullying. Ask him or her to describe who was involved and how and where each bullying episode happened. Learn as much as you can about the bullying tactics used, and when and where the bullying happened. Can your child name other children or adults who may have witnessed the bullying?
- Empathize with your child. Tell him/her that bullying is wrong, not their fault, and that you are glad he or she had the courage to tell you about it.
- Assure him or her that you will think about what needs to be done and you will let them know what you are going to do. Be sure to follow up.
- If you disagree with how your child handled the bullying situation, don't criticize them.
- Do not encourage physical retaliation ("Just hit them back") as a solution. Hitting another student is not likely to end the problem, and it could get your child suspended or expelled or escalate the situation.
- Role-play - just as in prevention of child abuse, role-play is what makes the skills real. Actually walk through situations and have your child practice different responses. Discuss prevention techniques such as staying with other kids. Do not get involved with bullies in any kind of interchange. Don't take it personally; it's really the bully's problems that are causing the situation, not you.
How to Talk with Educators at Your Child's School about Bullying
Parents are often reluctant to report to educators that their child is being bullied. Sometimes, children ask parents not to report bullying Children may not be able to stop bullying on their own. Parents should not be afraid to contact the school to report that their child is being bullied.
Here are some tips:
- Keep a written record of all the bullying incidents that your child reports to you.
- Ask to meet with your child's teacher and explain your concerns in a calm and non-confrontational way.
- Ask the teacher if they have observed any bullying behavior. Is your child getting along with others in the class? Is your child being isolated, excluded from playground or other activities with students?
- Agree on a plan for addressing the problem and follow up to see that it is implemented.
- If there is a concern for how your child is coping, ask to speak with your child's school counselor or other school-based mental health professional.
- If no resolution is met after reporting to the teacher, ask to meet with the school principal.
- Ask if there is a protocol to bullying issues and if they have a bully prevention program.
Bully Prevention at Home
As soon as children begin to interact with others, we can begin to teach them not to be bullies and not to be bullied. We can give help them to verbally express their feelings, limit and change their behavior and teach them better ways to express their feelings and wishes. Children do not learn to solve these kinds of problems and get along by themselves. We, as adults, need to teach them.
When preschoolers begin to call people names or use unkind words, intervene immediately and consistently. In kindergarten, children learn the power of exclusion. We begin to hear things like, "She's not my friend and she can't come to my party." Respond with, "You don't have to be friends with her today, but it's not all right to make her feel bad by telling her she can't come to your party."
In the early elementary grades, cliques and little groups develop which can be quite exclusionary and cruel. Children need to hear clearly from us, "It's not all right to treat other people this way. How do you think she feels being told she can't play with you? Kids don't have to play with everyone or even like everyone, but they can't be cruel about excluding others.
Early stages of bullying: making fun of others, picking on others, name calling, non-verbal threats, intentional exclusion and other forms of bullying need to be identified. The message needs to be crystal clear: This is not okay. Teach your children to think about how this behavior makes other children feel and identify early on that it should not be tolerated.
Children who are not bullies or victims have a powerful role to play in shaping the behavior of other children. Teach your children to speak up on behalf of children being bullied. "Don't treat her that way, it's not nice." "Hitting is not a good way to solve problems, let's find a teacher and talk about what happened."
If Your Child is the Bully
What every parent doesn't want to hear, "Your child is being like a bully."
Your first response will probably be defensive. Disarm the situation and buy yourself some time to process what's being said. For example, "Instead of labeling my child, please tell me what happened." Make yourself really listen. Remember that this discussion is ultimately about the well-being of your child, regardless of how it is being framed.
Even if your child is behaving aggressively or acting like a bully, remember that this behavior is probably coming from your child's feelings of vulnerability. You need to look for what is going on in your child's interactions with others and what is going on internally, causing your child to behave that way.
In talking with your child, DO NOT BLAME. Do not get into a discussion about the "whys" of what happened. Your discussion should focus on several key points:
- Bullying is not acceptable in our family or in society.
- If you are feeling frustrated or angry or aggressive, here are some things you can do.
- Remember to role-play, act out the new behaviors.
- Ask, how can I help you with this? Who could you go to in school if you see yourself getting into this type of situation again?
- Specify concretely the consequences if the aggression or bullying continue.
- You want to stop the behavior, understand your child's feelings, then teach and reward more appropriate behavior.
Bully Prevention at School
As of 2007, the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program is being implemented in 33 Denver Public Schools. Additional funding has been received to implement the program in 21 new schools. The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program is a multilevel, multi-component school based program designed to prevent or reduce bullying in elementary, middle, and junior high schools The program is evidenced based, and shows effective outcomes with diverse populations.
The Olweus program attempts to restructure the existing school environment to reduce opportunities and rewards for bullying. School staff is largely responsible for introducing and implementing the program. Their efforts are directed toward improving peer relations and making the school a safe and positive place for students to learn and develop. The program believes that it is very important to counteract the tendencies of the aggressive students. The benefit of the program is to reduce existing bullying and victim problems, to prevent development of new cases of bullying, and to improve peer relations at the school. This program has been found to decrease bullying by 30% to 70% in schools throughout the nation.
For further information on bullying go to the following sources:
- http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/index.asp
- http://stopbullyingnow.com
- http://www.clemson.edu/olweus
- http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/teens/bullying.asp
- http://www.nichd.nih.gov or from the NICHD Information Resource Center
- http://www.safechild.org
Copyright ©1996 -2006 Coalition for Children, Inc., Sherryll Kraizer, Ph.D.