Developmental Stages
Birth to pre-school (0-3 years)
What happens during this stage?
This is a period of incredible development for an infant/toddler. We as adults may not immediately see the changes, but the foundation is being laid for the rest of the child's life.
- Babies behaviors are affected by the traits they are born with: activity level, how adaptable or stubborn they are, and how much stimulation they can handle or need.
- A baby's brain is developing all the time. Each day a new layer of foundation is put down and builds upon the day before. This is the foundation for the rest of the child's life.
- Children are developing motor skills and verbal skills. Even though they may not be walking and talking during some of this time, the skills need to be stimulated in order to develop properly. The most important thing you can do is to talk to your child. Even though they don't talk back, they are absorbing all of the language skills they will need at a later date.
- During this period infants are developing attachments with their primary caregivers. Stability is critical as it lays the foundation for how the child will feel about future relationships and their sense of security.
- Children are extremely sensitive to their surroundings. Toxic environments can seriously compromise an infants' development and can have permanent consequences including reduced and impaired physical and brain function.
- If a child's brain does not receive adequate stimulation at 3 mo. 6 mo. 9 mo., 12 mo, and 3 years, specific areas of the brain begin to shut down. This affects a child's long term development. This is why it is so important to talk to your children and give them lots of physical and emotional love and appropriate stimulation.
- The basic needs of safety, nutrition, sleep, health, housing, stimulation, and nurturing are critical. These basics provide a solid base upon which all the child's brain, social, emotional and intellectual growth can take place.
Suggestions for parents, caretakers and family:
A baby needs constant care, and constant supervision. Parents aren't the only ones that can provide this. Other adult caretakers within the family or community can share some of these responsibilities. Being a new parent is tiring, sometimes overwhelming and parents should get support so the needs of an infant can be met. If a parent is overwhelmed, don't be afraid to offer help and reassurance.
Pre-school - 3-5 years old
What happens during this stage:
Children are like sponges and it's a good thing, because the foundations for future learning skills are being laid during these years. Children are becoming competent in skills they will need when they start school. They are beginning to be less focused on themselves and becoming more aware of relationships with others. At this stage there is a great need for the brain to be stimulated with a wide ranges of experiences in the world. Some of the things to look for during this stage are:
- Children begin to develop an understanding of other's feelings and are able to have some control over their own feelings.
- Children learn to take turns, to listen for instructions, to be compliant.
- Children have not yet developed the ability to verbalize their feelings and needs and often their behavior is often reactive instead of being well thought out.
- Children are just beginning to develop conversational skills.
- They are developing social skills with peers and with groups and need to be around other children in order to further develop these skills.
- At 3 years and 6 years the areas of the brain that do not receive stimulation are shut down. This can affect the continued development of these skill areas for the rest of childhood. This is why it is so important to talk to your children and give them lots of physical and emotional love and appropriate stimulation.
- Consistency is very important as children begin to develop a sense of right and wrong. An ideal situation is one where home and day-care have consistent values and rules.
- Children of this age are in strong need of parent support as they are developing their sense of self and continued establishment of boundaries. A consistent, strong home is the best framework of support for the developing child.
Suggestions for parents, caretakers and family:
This is a stage of continued nurturing and further supporting the development of the young child. Parents need time with their children to tune into their unique temperaments and personalities. The social world of the 3-5 year olds begins to grow, and the child forms relationships with more people outside the family. The parent should also form relationships with the other people in the child's social world. The family remains primary in the pre-school child's life. Children begin to challenge authority and a united parental voice and consistency is important so that children know their boundaries. Parental authority should be supported while also being loving and playful.
Elementary Development (5-9 years)
What happens during this stage?
Theses are the child's first school years and growth is rapid and exciting. Make sure you know where your child is, who she spends time with and how she is doing in school. Keeping your child active and engaged will support her growth and development and prevent problems. During this time:
- Children work towards mastering drawing, reading, writing and sports.
- Repetition of the above activities and sports produces sense of self-confidence.
- Children have the skills to express their feelings, they can identify other's feelings and feel empathy as well as developing the ability to control when and how they respond to their emotions.
- Children are still often reactive in their behavior and don't necessarily make good decisions without proper guidance.
- Children are still primarily non-verbal, yet should be developing good conversational skills.
- At 6 years and 9 years the areas of the brain that do not receive stimulation are shut down. It is critical that children be thinking, talking, reading and using the information they learn in school to continue their development during these years. This is why it is very important to expose them to a variety of experiences and opportunities for exploration.
- During this stage children begin to develop social skills with peers and with social structures, such as their school, church or scouting.
- Children of this age continue to need a sense of parent support as they are further developing their sense of self.
Suggestions for parents, caretakers and family:
There is an ongoing need for clear parental authority and parent-child connectedness and strength within the family unit. Parents are often busy with work and other responsibilities, and this can produce stress within the family. Management of time and stress is important for the child's development. As the child starts school and makes friends, the parent should spend time expanding their network to match the child's. It is important to further develop positive relationships with the people that are integral your child's life.
Middle School (10-14 years) early adolescence
What happens during this stage?
The period from preadolescence to early adolescence is so turbulent. Children are experiencing rapid physical, emotional, and social development. It is often confusing, sometimes frightening and rarely easy. Parental support is increasingly important during this period and into young adulthood. During this time, you can expect:
- Children are becoming very aware of how they are perceived within their social network.
- Physical changes are increasingly evident as they mature from a child to a young adult.
- The management of these physical changes, as well as the accompanying hormonal changes, lead to a need for more than eight hours sleep and more than average amounts of exercise and fresh air.
- Young adults begin to demonstrate more common sense in their thinking and apply principles of formal logic to their world. They begin to see and identify hypocrisy: the difference between what parents say and what they do.
- They begin to demand authenticity from the adult world and quickly identify those that are not supporters.
- Young adults have a need to be noticed and cared about as a unique self.
- At 12 years and15 years the areas of the brain that are still not receiving stimulation are shut down. This affects their ongoing development in critical skill areas.
- Young adults still need high levels of parental support.
- Young adults also need a peer group which further develops their sense of identity and self and there is an increased interest in spending time with other young adults of similar interests and cultural backgrounds.
Suggestions for parents, caretakers and family:
Families of young adolescents need to balance maintaining and balance clear and appropriate parental authority with social, caring relationships. As their young adolescents grow physically into young adulthood, they need individualized attention and support. They need responsibilities with recognition for achievement, from their parents and other adults even if they are uncomfortable acknowledging or asking for it. While young adults can seem to be pushing their parents away, parents need to assume and be confident that they are needed. They need to be available at unpredictable and spontaneous times for intense conversations. Parents need to provide lots of information about the adult world, without seeming to be teaching. The challenge to parents is to truly hear what their youth is really saying. Too often, the words young people use are not reflective of the thoughts and feelings behind them. Parents need to maintain caring relationships, while also beginning to renegotiate respectful relationships around shared governance and shared power.
It is important that a young people have the support of more than one adult at this stage in their life. They need perspective on the adult world from more than just their parents. Parent-youth conflict can often escalate into serious threats, physical violence, runaways, and complete breakdown of relationships during these years, so parents should not be afraid to ask for help from other community members. In adolescence, raising children really does take a village!
Monitoring of young people is very important at this age. It is critical you know where your children are and who they are spending time with. Parents are almost always challenged to juggle personal demands on their time with the necessity of being available to their young during these years. This is made even more difficult because teenagers often are uninterested in spending time with the parent and/or are in conflict with their parents. Don't be intimidated. It is still critical to be a key presence in your child's life.
High School (14-18 years), Late Adolescence
What happens during this stage?
These years are a continuation of the issues of early adolescence, but the stakes are often higher as teenagers push to spend more and more time with their friends - unsupervised by adults. This is a time of high vulnerability for substance abuse, early sexual activity, gang activities and avoidance of school related activities. This is not a time to lesson your awareness of your child's activities. Be aware that:
- This is the point when young people become educated in preparation for the adult world of jobs and responsibilities.
- Teenagers further identify with their peer group (whether good or bad) which further develops their sense of identity and self. This is the stage where gang activity can become appealing.
- At this time youth develop mutual, respectful relationships with adults and peers.
- Parents need to maintain caring relationships, while also continuing to negotiate respectful relationships around shared governance and shared power.
- Teenagers continue to need parent support, adult mentors, and a positive peer group.
Suggestions for parents, caretakers and family:
This is the launching stage as the family gets the young person ready to move into adulthood. As they get older, adolescents need looser reigns, depending upon their ability to handle responsibility. The parent needs to tune into their youth, assess their judgment, then support their making informed decisions. They need to discuss the consequences of their choices as they make them. There is a great need for giving information in respectful ways, for re-negotiating household rules and responsibilities to provide youth with an opportunity to demonstrate their abilities to make well thought out decisions. Control struggles around power can be reduced if the parent works on relationship building. Escalations of conflict will simply result in a breakdown of the relationship, and the youth may consider moving out of the home early. Young adults who move out of the home early often return home later as still-dependent adults, with less developed emotional lives, no adult relationships, and less fulfilling jobs. Working on communication, supportive relationships, and being available to the young adult during this phase is critically important for nurturing life-long relationships. This is the period in which you see the young adult emerging from the child you raised.
It is critical to spend time with older youth as they need to be able to confide in an adult with whom they have a caring, respectful relationship. Having other adults available to mentor the youth is very important. Preferably these mentors should know and respect the parent, and be a part of the community, such as a grandparent or an aunt, or minister. Fostering a network of caring adults beyond the parents, but who know and respect the parents, is good for the youth's development.